As I reflect on my first full day of being a single woman, I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 which states “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Unfortunately, the season I’m experiencing is one of deep heartache.
As many of you have come to find out, my relationship with the man I thought was the love of my life, has ended. My hope is through blogging my journey, I come to reclaim who I am as a woman. I come to reclaim my values, find adventure, and live my life in pursuit of what sets my heart on fire. I desire to fearlessly put God first and I choose to believe He has a bigger plan in all of this. God is doing something major and I have to trust him when he removes certain things from my life.
My heart was (and still is) in shambles and I have had many moments of extreme self doubt and questioning. I have attempted to justify his actions and mine, but I am still left in a daze. Confused. Unsure. Betrayed.
But, yesterday I was able to see a brief light at the end of the tunnel. I decided to take a step back and live a life without social media for the time being. We have over 200 mutual friends on Facebook and I just really needed a break from it all. I needed to remove myself because I caught myself looking at his profiles and unable to bear the pain of seeing him in the light he had presented to me when we broke up Friday. Unattached. Inattentive. Defensive. Selfish. And the saddest of all, a man who told me 2 days ago, that the girl he was snap chatting was just a friend and that I had “nothing to worry about” and that he “would never jeopardize the special relationship we had together” and “that I was the only girl for him.” Then to find out in the end that my intuition was correct and that he was in fact hiding something. I know without a doubt he would have never cheated on me, but I feel he was entertaining the idea. At the end of the day he has his freedom now, with no ties, the ability to do what he pleases. At first, it really bothered me, but then I thought to myself…..I too am free.
Ladies, please never allow a man to treat you like you’re replaceable. Never let a man use you for his own selfish desires and needs. If he feels he only wants to talk to you or be with you when he “needs” you, run without looking back. You are worth so much more.
Today, I am going to do what I always do, RISE above. Yesterday I indulged in my life…..and I can’t wait to see where this next chapter of my life takes me. I loved him deeply, but I am realizing he never loved me or wanted me as much as I loved and wanted him, and that’s okay. I am standing on the other side of forgiveness and on the other side of all my angry walls, and instead of judging Jason, I’m choosing mercy. I forgive him, completely.
Enjoy some pictures from my adventures yesterday. I have no idea what today will entail, but I know it will be a beautiful day surrounded by adventure.
The best is yet to come….